It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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