You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
