Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
