38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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