Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
