She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
