I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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