I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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