No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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