Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize