3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
