Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
