why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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