just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
