my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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