how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
