If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
