I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
