chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
