Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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