I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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