I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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