a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
