I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
