I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
