Quick, to the slutcave!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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