I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
