My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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