Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
