i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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