You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
