I have demons in me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
