Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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