i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
