Betty ford says i'm here all night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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