she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
