I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
