This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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