well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
