I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
