Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
