she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
