can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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