i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
