I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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