hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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