This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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