Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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