I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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