Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
