you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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