new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
