i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
