im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
