I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
