either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
