ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
