I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
