Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
