are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
