Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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