so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
