I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I touched a dick in church today
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