do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
