: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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