we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
