i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
