At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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