the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
