I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
