im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
