So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
