Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
