I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
