someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
