Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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