Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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