I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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