I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
